Never in a million years…

Never in a million yearsPieces of my journey…

Adultry & Divorce.

Siiiiiiigh

Never ever EVEEEEERRRR did I for one millisecond think this would happen to me. Like E.V.E.R. Call me arrogant, blind, naive, just plain ole STUPID- all were applicable.

Still sometimes I stop and just ponder and remember those early days and I look where the monkeys and I are now, and I’m like “WHAT THE…”!!???

He was the last man on earth that I ever thought would do this.

Ahhhhh the art of being shamefully humbled. Like legit.
I mean we were in luuuuuuuuve. Like it could happen to anyone else, but NOT me. Not our marriage. Not him. We had such an epic story.

I honestly married an amazing man. Like he was the best. He wasn’t perfect of course, but I would be lying if I said anything other than the reality that I adored him. He adored me. After ten years of marriage we still wrote love notes to each other. We still wrote love songs for each other. We were taking the ministry world by storm!! (Of course we were faarrrr from perfect but seriously we had it good!!)
Amazing marriage – Check
Amazing kids – Check
Amazing friends – Check
Amazing ministry – Check
Top of our game and it felt like life opportunities were only just beginning. We still had so much of life left to explore and experience!!

I was so blissfully, blindly unaware that such a devastation as this could happen to me, that even during the affair and even with plenty of warning signs, I didn’t even for one second consider it as an option or an explanation for all of the strange and weird that was going on during that time.
Aaaaahhhhhhhhhh…

See even Amazing has cracks. And cracks become crevices. And crevices become craters if you’re not careful.
And let me say this. Cause so much speculation and gossip and plain ‘ole BS surround a journey such as this- especially when you are in a certain profile and position such as ministry…
Even amazing marriages get tested and even amazing men (and women) make really awful, life-altering, agony inflicting decisions.

And after tragedy struck, I would sit there knowing that no marriage is perfect, knowing that no one has it perfect; but I would question and scream why oh why did my marriage have to be cracked wide open for everyone to see!?! Why did mine have to be shattered and exposed. Why not someone else’s!? Ohhhhh the ‘why me’s?’ that I whined about…millions upon millions of them. The ears of heaven must have been pleading- “Girl will you just shut up already!!?” 😉

I would sit there and think, “Awesome, now people will think that what we had wasn’t genuine or real or that I didn’t keep it hot in the kitchen (Ohhhhhhhh I did!!!!! Trust me I DID!! I could say more but I had better refrain!!;) or that there were issues the whole time.” It was so hard to sit back, rest secure and let God be my defence. To learn the invaluable lesson that I had so painfully been blind to before- that what man thinks cannot be my security, cannot be my identity. I was forced through an agony that I didn’t know I was capable of surviving, to find that Christ alone had to be my all sufficient One.

J.U.S.T.

H.I.M.

When my husband told me he had been having an affair and had gotten his mistress pregnant and then left us, I had to pull back and hide. I had to pull away from ministry and from the spotlight, I even had to pull away from church. I had to draw my monkeys close to me and hide protected amongst a handful that I knew I would be safe with.
It was the only way I was going to cope. Only way I was going to find oxygen again.

My decision didn’t make sense to most. But it was just what I had to do. There was this Whisper deep inside me that was extremely quiet and yet extremely secure and I knew that no matter what would ensue, I had to go with where this Whisper was leading me. I made some radical and bold decisions. I had to, for the first time in my life, really be an adult. I had to make choices and decisions all on my own. You see I married soooo young- 19!!! Too young!!! (that’s for my kids for whenever they read this haha) I moved out of my dad’s house into my husbands. I mean guys, I’m gon keep it real for ya- i didn’t even know how to pay an electricity bill!!!!!!!! SHOCK. HORROR. SHAME. EMBARRASSMENT!!!!!  Hahahahahahaha!!!!! It’s bad I know!!! ;0 (Truuuuuuust me when I say I now know how to pay the electricity bill!!! Even the gas bill too!!!!)

So now for the first time ever in my life I was in charge of my own life. My choices were my own. I felt God tell me this: “I give you permission to make mistakes…”

I cannot tell you how freeing that was!!!!!! I lived under this pressure to please and to perform and to live up to others’ expectations. And now I could make choices and decisions in my life based on what I dreamed and desired!?! Ahhhhh soo freeing!!!!! And so FUN!!

Of course not a license for me to go and do whatever I want at whatever cost, but permission for me to L.I.V.E. To be fully A.L.I.V.E. -to find out what I really believe, how I really see things, how I really see Him.

And I honestly feel like that is exactly what I am doing. Yes stumbling and making plenty of mistakes, yes still occasionally finding myself on the kitchen floor at 2am weeping, but honestly I look back on these past three and a half years and I can see His fingerprints all over the steps that have led me to the place I am today. I cannot even begin to recount His faithfulness to me. So explicitly faithful.
I will be honest and say though that the choices I made along this journey have come at a cost. I lost many friends. Friends that I had had for over a decade. Friends that I did life and ministry with. Even had to walk through betrayal of a friendship I held dear for 15 years.

I got off all social media, I got completely out of the spotlight that I had known for so long and I just hid. I didn’t defend what I knew was truth. I listened and crumbled and ached beyond what I thought I was able to cope with as I heard the stories flying around. As I heard people tell it from one to another each time seeing truth that really only I knew first hand, becoming a little less truer, a little less purer.
I screamed and cursed at God. I cried out to Him. I clung to but a few. I made L.O.T.S. of mistakes. I got beautifully and painfully humbled.

Oh so humbled.

And let me tell you, humbling hurts like hell.
I ached as those I had loved for so long listened to lies without even coming to me to hear my heart, to hear my agony, to simply ask me questions.
My extremely safe and naive bubble wrap was well and truly being popped and I absolutely hated it. I wanted God to take me. I felt like I wanted to die. (I’ll share all about that another time.)

That’s why I hashtag #poppingbubblewrap all the time. I was sheltered in this world of bubblewrap. Unaware that my enemy was even capable of bringing such destruction to my life. Unaware of real life, real humanity.

You know what though, I needed my bubble wrap to be popped. I was living in a false sense of reality. I couldn’t fully understand or relate to the measure and depth of peoples’ agony with so much bubble wrap in the way. I, in a sense, needed to find Him in a way that can ONLY be found through walking through the fire. That’s not to say that the choices that were made that caused me to have to walk through this journey, were good, right or excusable. Ummm clearly not. And that is absolutely not to say that every marriage should walk through this or will- Ummmm N.O.T.  But, honestly I would not have had to have found Him in the way I was forced to, had this all not happened. I would not have known the measure and depth to which I could be stretched. I wouldn’t know Brave like I do now. I wouldn’t know true Strength like I have found now. I believe it’s all been a part of a master plan.  S.O.V.E.R.E.I.G.N.I.T.Y

I talk to my Creator and I’m like- “You and me, Jesus we are legit!! We are the real deal!! Cuz we been through Sh*# and back and we are still standing, still going strong!! We SOOO got this!!” 😉

And my bubble wrap is popped. In fact a few days after “That Day”, as I affectionately call it;)  I said to my dad on the phone- “Dad, there is nothing that will surprise me anymore. You could tell me you were gay and I’d be like- Yup okay.” Hahaha;) My dad is 100% heterosexual but the point being that this betrayal would rock and shake me in such a way that my foundation would be forged into a strength, I believe, that will be able to weather any storm.

Honestly. I am grateful.

And on that note of grateful…in grateful anticipation (prophetically throwing it forward haha) I cannot cannot WAIT to be married again. Siiiiiigh. It will be a good day. A very very good day. And THIS time I am wearing THREE dresses!!! Yup you read right. T.H.R.E.E. After having to walk through everything this journey has thrown at me , you better believe I shall be showing off His faithfulness and recompense and restoration H.U.G.E.

Wherever you are, Baby, you had better be saving!!! 😉

Smile.

In the perfect time.

Stupid, dumb, lame patience!!! 😉

(Meanwhile those who are close to me get annoyingly and quite frequently asked- “I will get married again, right!? Promise me I will!!??)

Anywayssssss more about that in another post;)

Now…Three and a half years later…

I’m sharing my story.

Not out of spite or out of a vengeful heart. I want to continually and by grace choose to walk in such a way that shares my truth but does so with dignity.
I will quote this to the day I die: “There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story.” Maya Angelou.

I want to share my story because in doing so it is my freedom.
This particular journey, one that I did not choose for myself, farrrrrrr too many have also found themselves on.
And…

Truth sets free.

So if my broken, my agony, my triumphs, my mistakes, my victories can encourage or breathe a measure of life into another, then my agony was not for vain. That makes the oceans of tears, the desperation of lonely, the betrayal of rejection, the fear of moving forward somehow worth it.

Stumble & Grow. Stumble & Grow. Stumble & Grow. Stumble & Grow.

So much to share… and in no particular order!!

How to survive and then how to thrive…finding Him…grief…anger…forgiveness…dealing with lonely…warning signs…hope for the future…figuring out a career!!…single parenting (OMG) haha…dating (OHHHHEMGEEE) 😉 🙂 :)…believing for Lenny;)

My journey is my song and I am excited about singing some of these chapters for anyone who wants to listen…

 

  109 comments for “Never in a million years…

  1. March 10, 2015 at 9:52 pm

    You go girl! What an inspiring woman you are x

    • ReAnn
      March 12, 2015 at 11:53 am

      Xxx

  2. Ingrid van der Merwe
    March 10, 2015 at 10:10 pm

    Dear ReAnn. Thank you for sharing some of your story…can’t be easy. So thankful you are clinging to Jesus as it says in Psalm 63. Natalia and I were just saying today how heartbroken we both were when we heard what had happened. Your title is so apt, because we both said it was our biggest shock ever….never in a million years would we have expected it.You once said to me at Bloem Conf something about being part of our family….with Francois &Natalia & Vic &Tanya….well I just want to say if you are ever in Cape Town you are most welcome to stay with us. Keep strong sweet girl and keep shining for Jesus. Lots of love, Ingrid (& Winton)

    • ReAnn
      March 12, 2015 at 11:32 am

      Ohhh Ingrid, it is so lovely to hear from you!!! I will most definitely be taking you up on that offer whenever I am next in Cape Town;) Please give my love to my family;) Xxxxx

  3. wendy flint
    March 10, 2015 at 10:28 pm

    Thanks You Re, for sharing your story I sit here weeping as this is my life to a tee. 7 years on, married and my first ever career. After 25 years of marriage and living in someone else shadow. I AM ME, who God has created me to be. Life is so amazing. The best is yet to come. I know this can only seem like words, but it’s so true I’m a walking testimony to how faithful and great our God is.

    My admiration for you is overwhelming, you will change peoples lives and a new song will be sung.

    Take Care
    Love
    Wendy Flint (Tuul)

    • ReAnn
      March 12, 2015 at 11:34 am

      Ohhh Wendy, I sat here with tears streaming down my face reading this…thank you for sharing and for being a woman of strength and hope to me. I am beyond words overjoyed for where you are now!! Love you so…

    • Andy
      August 25, 2015 at 1:45 am

      Wendy!!! How wonderful to hear you….! So pleased to hear how you are doing! Luvya!

  4. liva
    March 10, 2015 at 11:41 pm

    Beautiful…. Just simply stunning!

    • ReAnn
      March 12, 2015 at 11:53 am

      Xxxx

  5. TP
    March 11, 2015 at 12:13 am

    your post is real and raw and touching. I am so sorry you had to go through such pain and suffering. I can’t imagine the heartbreak and pain. May He continue to carry you and bring many good things (including a partner) in His perfect time. Thank you for realness and honesty which is sooooo missing in many Christian circles!

    • ReAnn
      March 12, 2015 at 12:20 pm

      Thank you so very much for your words…Heaps of love Xx

  6. Ronni Moore
    March 11, 2015 at 2:44 am

    LOVE, just LOVE the way you write. The way you spill your heart out with honesty, integrity, passion, laughter and exuberance!!!!!

    • ReAnn
      March 12, 2015 at 11:35 am

      Thank you ‘mom’ 😉 Xxxx

      • Lynn Rommel
        March 13, 2015 at 4:30 am

        The most amazing mama to you, ever! Love you Ronni. Can’t wait to hang out with you again!!

  7. Lolly
    March 11, 2015 at 3:26 am

    ReAnn I enjoyed your writing and want to sincerely thank you for sharing.. At the time I could only imagine your pain. I completelyunderstood your need “to get away” from all around you and out of public lmedia. The loss of some other people in addition to your foundation I have experienced myself to some extent. Indeed when things happen ie crap happens we all think why me? Similarly I have thought when confronted like this why not me? At times like this a radical acceptance of a new normal is all we can do …and lean on god and our love for our dear true friends and our precious family. Life is such a gift isnt it? Our journeys are often painful and also beautiful at the same time. Thank you again dear soul xx

    • ReAnn
      March 12, 2015 at 11:37 am

      Thank you so very much for your words. I love what you said: “a radical acceptance of a new normal” – that is SO good and so applicable!!! Xxxx

  8. Kristen Hardy
    March 11, 2015 at 3:40 am

    hey there beautiful! Kev & I send our love to you and your gorgeous kids. You are so strong and you will encourage others near and far with your story – powerful testimony! Xx

    • ReAnn
      March 12, 2015 at 11:39 am

      So lovely to hear from you! Heaps of love to you all too!! your grand babies are simply stunning. Xxxx

  9. Leigh Pierce
    March 11, 2015 at 4:21 am

    Thank you, ReAnn, for being so lovely, so vulnerable, so honest, and so in love with Jesus. Your walk and your story give Him much glory.

    • ReAnn
      March 12, 2015 at 11:39 am

      Thank you so much, Leigh~ SO much love. Xx

  10. Purple Heron
    March 11, 2015 at 5:07 am

    You’ve captured your reality with dignity and integrity.
    We were all shocked too. We never thought it would happen to your marriage, not your one, where shared ministery and song espoused such high values. But it did. Sadly. Yet you have risen from the ashes and dared to survive, by One who has held you up in your darkest hour. Always a good story. Xx

    • ReAnn
      March 12, 2015 at 11:40 am

      Thank you so very much for your words of encouragement!!! Xxxx

  11. sally
    March 11, 2015 at 5:19 am

    Beautiful reading about your journey Reann, thank you so much for sharing. You remind me that to be naive and “wrapped in bubble wrap” is not a crime in itself, just a reality that we sometimes are not left to revel in,which can be painful, but getting through the other side is valuable and pretty awesome in the lessons learnt… Freedom… there’s a song in there 🙂

    • ReAnn
      March 12, 2015 at 11:43 am

      So very true. Cannot wait to share some of the songs that have been written from lessons learnt through this journey… xx

  12. Nads
    March 11, 2015 at 5:44 am

    A poignant reminder of a heartbreakingly sad ending of two friends who everyone (their peers) wanted to be like. So well written ReAnn and I have no doubt that your blog will answer many questions for MANY people. Thanks for being so vulnerable.

    • ReAnn
      March 12, 2015 at 11:44 am

      So much love…Xxxx

  13. Lynn Rommel
    March 11, 2015 at 5:45 am

    So proud that you are writing your life. I knew from the beginning that it would be cathartic and also help SO MANY others that have and will walk this horrific journey. It is a journey that affects so many. The wreckage makes it hard to watch the ‘criminals’ move on, happily as we watch the carnage they’ve left behind struggle. But you, my beauty truly are making beauty from ashes!!

    • ReAnn
      March 12, 2015 at 11:45 am

      Thanks Mama…I wouldn’t be where I am today if it weren’t for you. I am grateful beyond what I will ever be able to express for your love and faithfulness and truth and ferocious mama bear protection for me!!! 😉

  14. Tara
    March 11, 2015 at 6:30 am

    Love your raw honesty xx beautifully written

    • ReAnn
      March 12, 2015 at 11:46 am

      Thank you, Tara…Xx

  15. Emily
    March 11, 2015 at 6:54 am

    ReAnn.
    This is phenomenal.
    Thank you.

    • ReAnn
      March 12, 2015 at 11:46 am

      So much love.Xx

  16. Louise Montesi
    March 11, 2015 at 8:07 am

    Dear ReAnn,
    Thank you for becoming brave yet again to share your journey with others. No two journeys are the same. But we serve a Father that is into restoration. All those little pieces once smashed you never imagined could ever be restored…He’s showing you they can and He W.I.L.L restore every last fragment…and even better! I am excited to see your journey unfold….to His Glory Xxx

    • ReAnn
      March 12, 2015 at 12:19 pm

      Thank you so much, Lou!! Trusting and believing for those words of Hope over your life also. Heaps of love…Xxx

  17. March 11, 2015 at 9:35 am

    Hey ReAnn, good on you for having the courage to blog in a raw and respectful way. Inspiring. Looking forward to the next installments.

    Well done.

    • ReAnn
      March 12, 2015 at 12:15 pm

      Thank you so much, Dale.

  18. Fran
    March 11, 2015 at 9:48 am

    Thank you Re-Ann.
    I so identify with what you are writing, as I too was in this agonising place several years ago. My bubble wrap was popped, bubble by bubble and I thought the agony was too great to bare, BUT for GOD. How He protected, nurtured and provided for me, until I was whole and healed completely! Close family and friends cocooned me too and I am now blissfully and happily married to a husband that far exceeds what I could ever have dreamed, hoped or prayed for. Be of good courage Re-Anne, God will restore the broken years of pain, to far more than you can ever imagine.

    • ReAnn
      March 12, 2015 at 12:14 pm

      Ahhhhh, Fran!!!! So so sorry that you have had to walk this journey also, but I am SO encouraged to hear about the place He has brought you into!!!!! I am filled with courage and with hope, thank you. Heaps of love Xx

  19. Lisa
    March 11, 2015 at 12:08 pm

    Ummmmmmmm so……you are incredible, hilarious – 3 dresses baahaaaaa and so painfully honest. The bold strong voice echoes incredible strength and character that I know has been but a whisper in times is going to change lives. This is your time and you know exactly what my #hashtag would be….but well…we cant right.. because I don’t want to get in trouble…always got your back @teambondy x x x

    • ReAnn
      March 12, 2015 at 12:11 pm

      Hahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! ohhhhhh I surely do!!!!!!!!;) Thank you from the whole of my heart for being there for me this whole journey. For answering my can’t even speak cuz I’m hysterical, crying like a baby, snot bubble phone calls!!!;) Luv you Xxx
      #UmmmmHmmmm

  20. Rob Hutton
    March 11, 2015 at 12:16 pm

    well done ReAnn for holding on and keeping your mind, your faith and his grace.

    • ReAnn
      March 12, 2015 at 12:09 pm

      Thanks so much!!

  21. Kerryn
    March 11, 2015 at 4:59 pm

    Reann,
    I read your post with tears in my eyes. Thank you. Thank you for being so real, so vulnerable and so courageous. You are an inspiration. Can’t wait to see your journey unfold!

    • ReAnn
      March 12, 2015 at 12:08 pm

      Thanks, Lovely!!! Xx

  22. Amanda
    March 11, 2015 at 7:30 pm

    Amazing words ReAnn but shared with so much dignity and grace as I remember you always having. I have no idea how what you’ve been through feels but I’ve been through my own testing time and to read of your struggles helps me know that it is ok to struggle. You are an inspiration. I’ve also sent the link to a friend going through something similar as I know it will help.
    Big hugs and thanks for being so vulnerable xxx

    • ReAnn
      March 12, 2015 at 12:08 pm

      Thank you for you words, Amanda. SO happy that my story could bring strength and encouragement in a small way. Heaps of love…Xx

  23. eric
    March 11, 2015 at 10:25 pm

    Others gave up on you but as you know God never did or will. Your amazing and so proud of you.

    • ReAnn
      March 12, 2015 at 12:05 pm

      Thank you so very much!!!!

  24. Nicole Rooney
    March 12, 2015 at 2:18 am

    Re – Sing with everything you have 🙂 Different people will hear different things, but the raw truth you share will shine bright…. and bring on that wedding – I think we still have the $100.00 bet right 🙂

    Nic

    • ReAnn
      March 12, 2015 at 12:04 pm

      Thanks my Nic… Oh YES we do indeed!!!! The race is on;)

  25. Becky freeman
    March 12, 2015 at 4:07 am

    Awwe , love your heart ReAnn. (And the part about going thought sh*# with Jesus! And the thought of your dad being gay!!!) …. lol. Keep us posted on this new love affair of yours!

    • ReAnn
      March 12, 2015 at 12:02 pm

      Hahahahaha!!!! Ohhhh i will, trust me I will;) 😉 Luv and miss you…Xxx

  26. March 12, 2015 at 4:48 am

    Brave you are!
    Thankyou for your honesty in your story.

    • ReAnn
      March 12, 2015 at 11:57 am

      Xxxx

  27. Rhoda
    March 12, 2015 at 9:53 am

    Re thanks for sharing your story, I really caught ur heart and feel that in due time you will be blessed and
    have the desires of your heart ,you are an amazing woman of strength, dignity and honour! Love and hugsX

    • ReAnn
      March 12, 2015 at 11:57 am

      Thank you Rhodes…LUV you Xxxx

  28. Liz Brown
    March 12, 2015 at 11:22 am

    Awesome Reann 🙂 All the best!!

    Liz (Steve Potter’s sister)

    • ReAnn
      March 12, 2015 at 11:57 am

      Thanks so very much, Liz~ Xxxx

  29. Mel Ingham
    March 12, 2015 at 12:06 pm

    Thanks for sharing Re! Much live to you and your “monkeys”. One of my Monkeys misses one of yours even now. Many blessings and love.

    • ReAnn
      March 22, 2015 at 10:25 am

      Awwww thank you Mel!!!! He misses your monkey too!!!! Xxx

  30. Sarai Birch
    March 12, 2015 at 11:34 pm

    Wow Re,
    How beautifully written with such strength and heart. You will inspire and help so many with your honesty but most of all with the heart of Jesus you are shining through. Your words will not only help those who have been or going through what you went through but also just for those women and young girls who do not know the TRUTH about their identity in Jesus. You are royalty

    • ReAnn
      March 22, 2015 at 10:26 am

      Thank you for your generous words, Sarai. You are a testimony of royalty yourself and I am encouraged and filled with hope as I see all that has happened in your world. SO much love… Xxxx

  31. Beck Foster
    March 13, 2015 at 9:10 am

    Thank you so much for telling your story. Really.

    • ReAnn
      March 22, 2015 at 10:26 am

      Xxxx

  32. tamarin
    March 13, 2015 at 9:24 am

    Firstly, I just want to say that I’m so very sorry this happened to your world. I don’t know you, but we have mutual friends and I remember watching you guys from a distance when you first got together with wide eyes and a big heart full of dreams- it was like a sweet sweet fairy tale. I heard about what happened to your marriage around the time that it did and it shattered my heart completely – my ability to dream – my faith in men and friends and just in life. It levelled my heart to the ground. Flattened. I was constantly mindful of it: -‘How could this even be possible?!’… ‘How?!’… ‘This means that NOTHING is secure!’… ‘NOTHING is as it seems and NOBODY could be trusted – not even the people closest to you!’…
    I’m not sure why your story impacted me soo deeply and so to the core of 1) who I was and 2) what I thought about marriage as I’ve heard stories like yours many times over but it did and it just left me tainted.

    Thanks for sharing your healing journey Reanne – it’s becoming healing for me too. Your words carry life. Your Heres too the future. xxx

    • tamarin
      March 14, 2015 at 3:01 pm

      Basically, what I just wanted to say is thank you for being honest and vulnerable and sharing your story with freedom and life. Enjoy the magic of dating againand dreaming and laughing from your belly and just having the freedom to make mistakes. Life is messy – it was never ment to be perfect. Xxx

    • ReAnn
      March 22, 2015 at 10:40 am

      Tamarin, thank you so much for sharing. Whilst this pilgrimage has taught me that there is only One alone in whom I can put my trust in…One in whom will never walk away from me…One in whom will be faithful to me till the end…At the same time I am also filled with hope and courage for the future as I look around and see SO many marriages around me that have persevered through life’s challenges and adversities and have stood the test of time. Marriages that have proved faithful into their golden years. And those people are ‘clouds of witnesses’ filling me with hope and courage, reminding me that what I have walked through shouldn’t happen and doesn’t have to happen. It makes me excited for my Lenny to be;) I hope in some small way my story can fill you with hope for your future…healing for any disappointments you may have journeyed.
      Heaps of love… Xxxx

  33. Katelin
    March 13, 2015 at 10:12 am

    You are such an incredible inspiration ReAnn! I totally heard your accent as I was reading this and started to tear up as I miss you and your beautiful voice. I can’t even imagine the pain that you have felt but so encouraging to see how you have stayed true to who you are and how this has made you even stronger. I hope you and you monkeys are doing well 🙂 lots of love xx

    • ReAnn
      March 22, 2015 at 10:41 am

      Ohhhh Katelin…you are making ME teary now reading!!! 😉 Miss you too beautiful. SOOOO much love…Xxxx

  34. Wendy K
    March 13, 2015 at 11:43 am

    Dear ReAnn,

    We haven’t seen you since the Day but you have been in our minds, hearts and prayers. So sorry for what you have been through and so glad that God is walking with you and strengthening you. Praying for a wonderful future for you. Love Wendy & Peter K (memories of Kestra and the King / Mt Gambier and Warrnambool) xxxxx

    • ReAnn
      March 22, 2015 at 10:42 am

      Thank you SO much, Wendy!!!! HEAPS of love to you both!! Xxxx

  35. Kathryn
    March 14, 2015 at 8:20 am

    Thank you for real & raw…the agony of betrayal & the ecstasy of finding the ONLY REAL SAFE PLACE H.I.M…hidden in HIM…d.e.a.d in HIM….you are funny girl & I get that we can only have any sense of humour when the healing deep deep has begun..Living fully A.L.I.V.E found when we really know who we are in HIM…I was 15 when I met the ‘boy’ I married & then divorced after 27 years of marriage…& #…!!! it was scary beyond imagination…BUT Oh Yeah how I love that place where we can say You & me Jesus we are legit…When He comes to us like He came to Mary and says come on girl we are going to ROCK this world…There is such beauty in ashes…& you are going to rock this world girl with FREEDOM songs for The Brave hearted Girls out there who have stories of abandonment…betrayal…abuse…Pappa’s Girls around the world (look @ Mordecai Project)…I have been reading Rick Joyner ‘The Torch & The Sword again…”The little girl watched me intently. She stood erect, vigilant & ready…both Wesley & I looked at her…I thought she must be like a Joan of Arc. If there are a few more like her I knew these would be marvelous times….but the great marvel and great honour will be for the women & children who walk in the ways of The Lord…it will be her seed that crushes the serpents head…Woman have a special place in this fight” Time for those fully A.L.I.V.E WARRIOR Daughters to arise & shine & sing Zion’s songs…You GO beautiful Re xxx

    • ReAnn
      March 22, 2015 at 10:44 am

      Thank you SO much, Kathryn, for your words of encouragement and empowerment!!! Means the world!! Thank you, also, for choosing strength and dignity in the face of the pain and agony of betrayal. I honour you for that.
      Heaps of love…Xxxx

  36. Kathryn
    March 14, 2015 at 8:32 am

    Ps…also in that paragraph in The Torch & The Sword…”It is also the time of the lioness’ !!!! ROAR xxx

    • ReAnn
      March 22, 2015 at 10:44 am

      Haha awesome;)

  37. March 15, 2015 at 5:45 am

    LOVE! I am so excited to keep reading more and seeing more of your heart. Love you friend! I am so for you!

    • ReAnn
      March 22, 2015 at 10:45 am

      Ahhhhh THANK YOU!!! love you my peanut butter yank;) Xxxxxx

  38. Deb
    March 15, 2015 at 3:53 pm

    Thank you so much, you don’t know how much I needed to read this TODAY.

    • ReAnn
      March 22, 2015 at 10:58 am

      So much love to you…Xxxx

  39. jessica potter
    March 16, 2015 at 12:32 am

    You’re a phoenix Re
    Xx

    • ReAnn
      March 22, 2015 at 10:58 am

      Loving this phrase…Xxxx

  40. March 17, 2015 at 6:32 am

    I’m a stranger that knows of you through friends, and I bloody love you. What courage under fire. I feel ya girlfriend. Your future is ridiculously bright, that beautiful new husband is ah- Comin for ya. Thanks for sharing, this will change and probably save lives. So much love xx

    • ReAnn
      March 22, 2015 at 10:59 am

      Thank you SO MUCH for your words of encouragement!!! Tell him to hurry up already;) 🙂 Heaps of love…Xxxx

      • Lisa mcphee
        April 1, 2015 at 9:59 am

        Back at you gurl! Hey how do you feel about me sharing this? Totally understand if you just want it to be just something for friends. Have a chunk of friends who could benefit from hearing that the christian walk is not a fluffy warm fuzzy dream. Shite gets real, Jesus becomes most alive in the dark. Latest blog was off the charts babe xx

        • ReAnn
          April 1, 2015 at 12:31 pm

          Thanks So much for your encouragement, Lisa!!! YES!! please feel so free to share!!! So stoked to possibly encourage anyone who wants to have a ‘listen’… Xxxxxx

  41. Helen Weaver
    March 19, 2015 at 6:19 am

    Was so lovely to catch up for a few minutes. Thanks so much for sharing your heart here – can only weep with you and thankyou for your encouragement. Luv xxx

    • ReAnn
      March 22, 2015 at 11:00 am

      Love you, Helen…wish we could have had longer…Xxxx

  42. Dani
    March 19, 2015 at 9:11 am

    My heart cried with every word. Joy, admiration and confusion.
    There’s some things I honestly don’t understand. There are so many young and old couples around me at the moment with a similar testimony to yours.
    And I’m conjuring up everything in me to not be afraid and run away from even the thought of marriage…
    But I know where and who fear is from, and it’s not my God.
    How refreshing to read this and know that no matter what, worst case scenario will never kill me (and if it does, I go to heaven… Woohoo!)
    Thank you so much for your vulnerability!
    I’m excited to get to heaven and know all the answers.
    So much love!!
    Keep leaking His joy EVERYWHERE you go!! Stay real, stay close to Him and keep stomping over all that bubble wrap in your prettiest, highest, fiercest heels…. We need people like you!
    So much love xoxo

    • ReAnn
      March 22, 2015 at 11:03 am

      Ohhhhh thank you for your words, Dani!!! I LUV that image of stomping on the bubble wrap in nothing less than stilettos!! You understand me well!! 😉 If I can still have hope and excitement for my Lenny then I KNOW you can too!!! Heaps of love to you…Xxxx

  43. March 19, 2015 at 11:07 pm

    has it really been that long? From one hemisphere to another, so glad to hear the smiles coming through your writing. Have a wonderful journey on the way to your three dresses. Blessings abundant to u and ur monkeys, RJ

    • ReAnn
      March 22, 2015 at 11:03 am

      Thank you so very much!!!!

  44. March 20, 2015 at 12:56 am

    ReAnn…What a story…but more importantly, what an EXPERIENCE! I had heard of the situation several years ago and wondered how you had held up under so much pressure. It is good to hear your voice, even in writing.

    It sounds like you are able to find comfort in the Holy God and allow Him to give you and your children what you need. Such a heart wrenching situation you were put in, and then for it to be so public. God Bless you.

    garth

    • ReAnn
      March 22, 2015 at 11:04 am

      Thank you for your words, Garth…

  45. amanda lyon
    March 20, 2015 at 9:18 pm

    The poignancy of your words, and the authenticity of your emotion runs through this post, so much so. Life and its twists and turns, the dreams that were broken and made beautiful, something totally different than we originally thought.
    Its been a life time since we last met, and I love these glimpses into your life, lived so lovely.
    The image I have of our meeting, is a bright sparkly girl and a microphone, you’ve still got it mama

    • ReAnn
      March 22, 2015 at 11:07 am

      Awwwww Amanda!!! So good to hear from you!!!!! Thank you so very much for your words of encouragement!! Heaps of love… Xxxxx

  46. March 21, 2015 at 11:42 pm

    Geeze I love you. ❤️

    • ReAnn
      March 22, 2015 at 11:07 am

      Xxxx

  47. Stephanie
    April 24, 2015 at 5:54 am

    Wow, If I didn’t know better I would think I had written this post. Thanks for the gut-wrenching truth and honesty you have shared!
    Wearing scars like medals along with you…
    -Stephanie

    • ReAnn
      May 7, 2015 at 10:10 am

      Thank you SOO Much, Stephanie!!!! Heaps of love…Xxxx

  48. Arianne
    May 8, 2015 at 11:47 pm

    thank you for sharing, ReAnne! The silence has been deafening and i have so longed to hear how you’re doing, how the kids are dealing. ‘Never in a million years’ is right, but you’re one in a million and deserve so much more. Here’s to an amazing future that’s brighter than anything you could have hoped for…even in a million years!!! You’re showing your girls how to be brave women, and your son how to love one! You go girl!!

    • ReAnn
      September 6, 2015 at 5:52 pm

      Ohhhhh thanks SOOOO MUCH Arianne… I am holding onto that promise!!! Xxxxxx

  49. Megan
    July 24, 2015 at 5:21 pm

    ReAnn, sincerest thank you for sharing your story. It is uplifting to see another woman have the strength to walk through this situation with grace. Having integrity through this situation is so hard, and I applaud you for it. I just found your blog, and I whole-heartedly believe God showed it to me to help me get through this journey as well. I keep reminding myself daily, whenever I feel angry or sad or feel overwhelmed, it is about who is watching us… Our kids see what we do, and we are called to teach. I remind myself daily that they see and learn from me, and God gave me the strength to walk this path. I already adore you!

    • ReAnn
      September 6, 2015 at 5:53 pm

      Ohhhhh Megan, I am SOOO pleased that I could somehow breathe some hope and courage into you!!!!! Wear your #scarslikemedals
      Xxxxxx

  50. Kerry
    July 25, 2015 at 6:10 am

    Thank you for sharing your heartfelt, raw and real story ReAnn! God is faithful!!!!

    • ReAnn
      September 6, 2015 at 5:54 pm

      Xxxxx

  51. Eric Gunter
    August 24, 2015 at 7:58 am

    ReAnn,
    I’ve been reading and listening to your video posts, and am so grateful to here your honesty and it does not in any way come across as vengeful or in spite. Everyone who knows you doesn’t question your heart, how it’s been shaped in His presence and for His glory. Horror gripped us here in the States, and we thought and prayed for you often, and the kids. Your story is a testament that good triumphs over evil, and all because of His undying love and strength on your behalf. Now let hope rise!

    • ReAnn
      September 6, 2015 at 5:54 pm

      Awwww SO good to hear from you, Eric and thank you SOO much for the encouragement!!! Here’s to H.O.P.E.
      Heaps of love to you guys!!!

  52. Andy
    August 25, 2015 at 1:42 am

    Thanks ReAnn – your story does stir courage & hope. #brave

    • ReAnn
      September 6, 2015 at 5:59 pm

      Xxxxx

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